PunchlineFunny cards for every occasion. With a little edge.

Funny Retirement Cards

After decades of alarm clocks and meetings, a retiree deserves better than a card with a sailboat on it. Our funny retirement cards celebrate the end of the commute and the beginning of very long lunches.

Use one for a coworker’s send-off, a parent finally hanging it up, or a boss you’ll secretly miss. Every card has a punchline inside and room for your own note.

This collection has 15 funny retirement ecards from Bev, Walt, Prof. Hargrove, Hank, Sgt. Briggs, Darlene, Philo, Maddie, Tyler, Nurse Rhonda, Dr. Howard, Harlan, Esq., Madame Lucille, Gus and Duchess. Each one opens with a click: the front sets up the joke and the punchline waits inside, with your personal note printed right underneath. Add their name, write your note, and send it by email or text, right away or scheduled for the day. Cards are $2.99 each, with a 5-card pack and an annual pass if you send a lot of them.

15 cards · $2.99 each · personalize and send in minutes

Bev retirement card: Congratulations on retiring, dear.Bev · RetirementCongratulations on retiring, dear.Walt retirement card: Welcome to retirement.Walt · RetirementWelcome to retirement.Prof. Hargrove retirement card: Studies suggest retirees are happier than workers.Prof. Hargrove · RetirementStudies suggest retirees are happier than workers.Hank retirement card: Put out to pasture, huh?Hank · RetirementPut out to pasture, huh?Sgt. Briggs retirement card: Retirement, soldier?Sgt. Briggs · RetirementRetirement, soldier?Darlene retirement card: Retired? Bless your heart.Darlene · RetirementRetired? Bless your heart.Philo retirement card: Beware the barrenness of a busy life.Philo · RetirementBeware the barrenness of a busy life.Maddie retirement card: You’re retiring?!Maddie · RetirementYou’re retiring?!Tyler retirement card: So you retired?Tyler · RetirementSo you retired?Nurse Rhonda retirement card: You’re retiring. Rhonda’s orders:Nurse Rhonda · RetirementYou’re retiring. Rhonda’s orders:Dr. Howard retirement card: You’re retiring. Dr. Howard approves.Dr. Howard · RetirementYou’re retiring. Dr. Howard approves.Harlan, Esq. retirement card: You’re retiring. Harlan cites the law.Harlan, Esq. · RetirementYou’re retiring. Harlan cites the law.Madame Lucille retirement card: Retiring, sugar?Madame Lucille · RetirementRetiring, sugar?Gus retirement card: Gus has been retired his whole life.Gus · RetirementGus has been retired his whole life.Duchess retirement card: You’ll be home all day now?Duchess · RetirementYou’ll be home all day now?

What to write in a funny retirement card